The Momma’s Boy

A few months ago I went on a date with the quintessential momma’s boy. Now, let me start off by saying I wasn’t really interested in this guy but we had a bunch of mutual friends who persuaded me to take a chance. And I was on the rebound so I figured what the heck. Plus he was really tall. I like that.

So, I started the night with high expectations. He was a grad student and I figured it’d be a good change from all the children I was dating.

We were getting along perfectly when he coyly tried holding my hand, and I let him. He looked at it and said, “you’re hands are like my mother's hands.”

First of all, what the fuck? Second, is that supposed to be a compliment?

I tried to laugh it off and hoped that this was just a momentary lapse in judgment of the appropriate things to say to someone you’re trying to get with but then he said. “I love my mother. She’s the best, she’s the most amazing cook.” Which would be fine if we we’re talking about mothers…or cooking.
But, we weren’t.

Well now, I should have taken these signs as a warning, passed on that last glass of wine and sprinted for the door. But I had to pretend I had some semblance of good manners. Also my bag was pretty far away so I couldn't reach in for that fake emergency phone call.

By the end of the night I was in a rush to get home....but he had different plans.

Sensational: Wow it’s pretty cold tonight.
MB: Yeah…u know what’s the best thing to do in this weather? Snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.
Thinking he was trying to make a move to invite me over I obliged.
Sensational: So true, that’s basically me everyday with a cup of tea.
MB: When I go back home I always end up cuddling with my mother on the couch. My dad makes so much fun of me he tells me to grow up.
Whoaaaa boy, that’s a little too much information for date number one, and probably even for anniversary number one.
Sensational: He’s right.
MB: UM. Haha. So do you wanna come over and watch a movie?
Sensational: I think I’ll take a rain check. It’s late….I don’t want you’re mother getting jealous.

Momma’s boys have deep emotional issues, it’s like they’ve come to the realization that she’s the only woman who'll never hurt him.

Ladies, don't jump to the conclusion that dating someone close to his mother is the same as dating someone who loves and respects women. He loves and respects ONE woman and it's not you. I had dated a momma's boy before and learned the hard way that these men tend to be clingy. They like to be babied. I don't like babies.

The odd thing about this particular MB is that he didn't seem to understand that there are a million things to compliment a woman on, and old lady hands is not one of them. He also had a mild case of TMI.

Be a man, don’t be a boy.

Needless to say we didn't have a second date. I was relieved to escape his MB trap. He was probably happy he still had time to call his mother before bedtime.