Neon Johnson

While skimming through the racks of my favorite eclectic store, Betsey Johnson, I came across the shirt photographed here (I appologize for the quality I'm a blogger not a photographer dammit). Guys love BJ.

I remember in middle school how it was cool for guys to wear sexually suggestive shirts. My two favorites to date are "Sex is like poker. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" and "spooning leads to forking". There were also those french connection "fcuk me" ones. Um ya.. those were stupid.

I think a girl with the cojones to wear this BJ shirt is literally just asking for it. Not only is she advertising that she is willing to get on her knees but she is doing it in blinding neon colors.

Fans of Kanye west and that particular persuasion are drawn to neons. I hear black is big. This explains a lot about the girl's priorities.

While I'm sure no man will deny he loves a good BJ or even better, Steak and BJ day, the men's answer to Valentine's day, it is quite vulgar to offer oral sex via your clothing.

The BJ in this case stands for Betsey Johnson. But you all knew that.

And now for my all-time favorite BJ quote: “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.”- Betsey Johnson

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Booty Clapping

Life is starting to get serious and I need to figure out what the hell to do with my with my future before I graduate (or drop out whichever comes first). I considered a life of accounting, economics and countless hours of number crunching and pencil pushing, but it just wasn't me.

After a few hours of speculation it finally hit me. I have finally found my true calling in life. A dream, if you will, a job to aspire to.

I want to be a model/dancer in rap videos.

Shocking I know. But really, its the perfect job based on my skills and abilities. Models in rap videos do not do stereotypical model things like posing. They are basically there to look beautiful and do a series of small actions, like walk, pick up a glass...snap a whip.

There's also some acting involved, I'd have to pretend to want that rapper with the missing teeth. Brushing up my acting skills could eventually lead to an even larger career path.

The dancing part is basically defined by doing a series of pelvic thrusts in the background, grinding, or basically rocking it. Booty shaking is also a very well received in the industry.

My top three reasons for pursuing this profession are:
-You get to be around all these famous rappers. Yes, I have every ghetto song memorized word by word. Blame the radio. "Clean on the inside cream on the outside. Ice cream. Ice cream. Ice cream paint job."
-I get the privilege of publicizing how I dance alone in my mirror.
-I get paid for just standing there or eating fruit in a sensual manner.

While the job comes with many perks (as mentioned above) it can also come with the most valuable perk of all. Being a baby mama to one of these rap stars. Let's face it. Things happen after one too many drinks. Lines begin to blur and I can no longer see the empty mouth and can get caught up in the magic of it all. And BAM, pregnant.

To the conservatives out there, this might seem like an awful situation, but this is how I see it: CHILD SUPPORT!!

These men are in the public eye and need to maintain some sort of a stable image after their jaunts to jail, for the drug possession and the guns. I think rearing an unstable child is a small price to pay for all the money I'll get. This cash will most probably be used on my plastic surgery and clothes. No need to bother the kid.

Booty clapping awaits. I'll be famous one day.

Disclaimer: This is just for shits and giggles, I'm actually a serious person. I wanna marry a basketball player.