BBM Etiquette

In light of the ongoing influx of Blackberry users I have taken it upon myself to dispense some advice regarding the use and abuse of the blackberry messaging service. These tips will help you become a more effective BBM partner while helping you and those around you maintain an appropriate level of sanity:

1. Do not add people you never talk to. No one is ever going to check your phone and compare how many contacts you have. If you have friends that do this, I suggest finding new friends.

2. Do put your real picture, or no picture at all. Even if you’re ugly, I'd rather see your face then a picture of your dog, cat, bird, or mother.

3. Do not abuse the broadcast. I don't want to read your jokes nor do I want to subsequently receive it by 20 of our mutual friends in that horrid purple text. You are just being a pain in the ass. Even worse are those who send out a broadcast and expect to have a conversation about said joke.

4. Do not send forwards. You email me forwards, you text me forwards, now BBM? Get a fucking life. You won't go to hell, the love of ur life won't kiss you at midnight, and G_d is not keeping track of your BBMs. Last time I checked, forwarding a message never cured AIDS.

5. Do set an appropriate status. No one cares that you are in love, feel flirty, have finally found inner peace or can't decide what color underwear to wear today. Your status is not a mood ring. If you want to let people know something direct it at them personally, otherwise stop updating me on every shit you take.

6. Once deleted from someone's list, do not re-add them. No one deletes you by mistake.

7. You're not funny in real life, hence you are not funny on BBM. Adding hahaha to the things you say doesn't make you any more funny, it makes you obnoxious.

8. Do not constantly send pictures of what you are doing or where you are going. I'd rather die a slow and painful death than have a photographic journal of your lame day.

9. Limit the number of smileys you put in your display name. One is ok. Two is pushing it. Having more smileys than letters in your name is mildy inappropriate. Grow up.

10. In a conference conversation, only include those who wish to be a part of it. If someone leaves, do not keep re-inviting them. You are setting yourself up for being deleted (See #6).

11. Do not replace phone calls with BBMs. Call me. Especially if you want a quick answer. PING!s don't help either. In fact, if you PING! me I’ll make sure to ignore your message for a longer period of time.

12. Unless you are a close friend do not BBM someone "just to talk". Send me an email instead. I won’t reply but at least you’ll feel less rejected without seeing that little R.

While each of us is guilty of breaking a few of these rules from time to time, habitual offenders need to take this list to heart and stop pissing your friends off. If you simply cannot control yourself as you see the number on your contacts list dwindle, consider switching to the iPhone.